Soon Can Never Be Soon Enough
by em writes
Summary: Beast Boy and Raven have a moment that seems to last forever, but when it is over, the world comes crashing down on them.
1. Chapter 1

"It breaks your heart, doesn't it? How close you were? It would break anyone."

Beast Boy broke down completely, then. Starfire was right. He missed Raven more than anything. He would give anything to have what he had with her back.

As big, round tears fell down the bridge of his nose and into his lap, he thought back to the evening that was forever branded in his mind as his favorite few moments.

 _"I'm sorry," Raven sighed. "I wish I could be more for you. I wish I could feel things. I just... I wish I was more." She looked down at her loosely interlaced fingers and shook ever so slightly._

 _Beast Boy grabbed both of her icy hands in his and puller her to his chest. He cradled her in his lap and stroked her hair, holding her so tightly that for a moment she felt like her seams wouldn't burst. Like she was contained._

 _"You are enough for me. You are more than enough for me. You don't have to pretend or wish for me. You are everything. I look up at the stars in the sky, how innumerable they are, the multitudes they contain, and all I see is you. You're everywhere. I am absolutely, most ardently, in love with you, Raven. How you think you aren't all I need astounds me. You're everything." Beast Boy kissed her forehead and lingered for a moment, trying to make that connection last forever._

 _Raven realized then that she was crying. The tears came silently and left trails as a testimony to her sadness deeply engraved in her cheekbones. But it wasn't all sad this time. It was... Happiness? Something deep stirred within her chest and for the first time in a long time, she felt the warm tendrils of happiness curl around her lungs and ensnare her ever-faster beating heart. As she wept, she threw her arms around Beast Boy and kissed him deeply. "I love you," she declared, and for once in her life, she felt it._

After that encounter, Beast Boy saw less and less of Raven, until one day about a week ago, she retreated into her room and had not been seen since.

Beast Boy tried to peer in once yesterday, desperately seeking solace with the one he knew deep within his bones that he was meant to be with. He saw her sleeping form curled listlessly on her bed. Every surface of her room looked like it needed a good dusting, but other than the crumpled sheets that framed her small form, it appeared immaculate as ever. There were deep circles beneath her eyes, and her cheekbones shown prominently beneath the curtain of hair that fell limply over her face. The curtains were drawn and the room was frigid.

"Rae?" Beast Boy called cautiously. Raven's eyelids fluttered slightly and she frowned, pulling the blankets tighter around herself. "Raven?" He tried again.

This time, Raven woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in her bed and looking around frantically before setting her eyes on the confused green boy in her doorway. "Beast Boy..." she half-whispered, eyes going misty with tears. Her face only softened for a moment before she turned over and pulled the covers over her head. "Please go." She said, her voice sounding small and sore.

Beast Boy took a large step into the room, wanting more than anything to comfort his love. A large, black hand rose from over the covers and placed itself on his chest. "I said go." Raven uttered simply, using her telepathic powers to push him out the door and close the door behind him.

Beast Boy stood in the hallway for a moment before crumpling to his knees and crying. He placed his hand up to the cold metal of the door and started begging Raven to let him in. Even from outside, he could feel how cold the room was. He could feel her sadness from the hallway. It killed him to know she was in pain.

He cried, prying and pleading like that for nearly an hour. He had his head in his hands when he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped slightly, looking up to see Robin looking down at him pityingly.

"There's nothing we can do. She has to want to come out." The leader said.

Beast Boy nodded numbly, wiping his nose on his sleeve and blinking the tears out of his eyes before turning down the hallway and continuing to his own room.

He didn't sleep that night, and when he finally decided to get up in the morning, he found Starfire waiting outside his door. "May I come in?" She asked quietly, folding her arms across her stomach and looking down.

Beast Boy nodded and she glided past him to sit on his bed, gesturing before her for him to join her. He walked forward, not really feeling his feet moving.

They were silent for a moment, and then Starfire looked deeply into his eyes and broke the silence with the statement that broke Beast Boy himself.

"It breaks your heart, doesn't it? How close you were? It would break anyone."

He felt the room spin for a moment and then looked down, watching his lap stain a darker green with the tears that fell from his face. He could only nod.

Starfire placed her hand on his shoulder, and he glanced up. She smiled sadly. "We just have to give her the time to be alone." Her smile wavered as her chin quivered and her eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. "No matter how much we may miss friend Raven." Her voice broke on the word miss and Beast Boy grabbed her and held her as she, too, cried.

They stayed like that for some time, crying and holding each other. It felt good to show somebody some warmth, and to be shown some in return.

When Starfire was all cried out, she pulled away and held Beast Boy at arms length. "We must only wait." And then she was gone and Beast Boy was alone again. He sighed shakily and flopped back onto his pillows, grabbing one violently to cover his face. He took a deep breath and pressed the pillow hard against his face before screaming into it until his throat was sore and his voice was raspy.

He removed the pillow from his face and looked up to see that long shadows were being cast across his room. How long had he been emotionally unavailable? His watch read 6:02 PM. He lay there in a vague state of shock as the realization hit him, he had been sitting here, completely dissociated, for nearly eleven hours.

Suddenly he heard a gasp and a small cry of fear come from the room that shared a wall with his- Raven's room.

Before he had a second to consider his actions, Beast Boy leapt from his bed and skidded around the corner, barely giving himself enough time to slap a hand to the control panel outside Raven's room before barreling through her door. "Raven!" He cried, sprinting towards her bed.

He found her there, in the throes of a nightmare. Her legs were tangled within the sheets and her face was contorted in pain and fear. Tears trickled slowly from the corners of her closed eyes. Her forehead was broken out in a cold sweat and she shook her head from side to side, muttering things nervously.

Beast Boy walked slowly to her bed and sat on the edge. He cupped her cheek gently and she gasped as her eyes flew open. When she way that the intruder was Beast Boy, she clamored into his lap and began bawling.

Arms wrapped around his neck, she pressed her face deeply into his chest and let herself go.

Beast Boy paused for a moment before crushing her against himself, his heart still pounding viciously against his ribcage. He felt her cry and could do nothing but hold her to him tighter than he ever had before and rock her gently back and forth.

As time progressed, Beast Boy leaned back against the pillows, laying his precious Raven across his chest and stroking her back, letting his thumbs run along the ridges of her spine and ribs.

Beast Boy once again lost track of the time he spent in the vacuum of worry for the purple haired girl he loved with all his might. All he knew was that by the time she had stopped crying, he had memorized every inch of her back. He knew the spaces between her bones where his fingers dipped and the firm tension of her muscles where her tailbone began better than any map he ever could have read. When she rolled off of him, he could feel the energy humming below the surface of his fingertips begging for her warm form back.

The two remained silent for a moment, laying on their sides and looking at each other before Raven whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry."

"Rae, don't be sorry. It's okay. I just- I want to understand." Beast Boy began, sweeping her hair off of her face, taking notice of how frail and limp it felt. He wondered idly when she had last brushed it.

"I know," Raven whispered again. "I suppose I owe you an explanation, don't I?"

Beast Boy paused, considering. He didn't want to pressure her into explaining herself, but he longed to understand her pain and do anything he could to take the edge off. He nodded.

Raven sighed. "Soon." She promised.

Beast Boy nodded again and stood to leave, not wanting to intrude further. An icy hand wrapped itself around his wrist and he glanced down at the hand before turning his gaze again to Raven. "Don't go," she whispered tearfully. "Not tonight. Please." The look of panic and dread at the thought of spending another night alone was enough for Beast Boy to spend every night for the rest of his life in bed with her.

He placed a hand on top of hers. "I just need to change into my pajamas. I'll be right back." The wild look in her eyes and tightened grip on his arm told him that wasn't going to be an option. " _Or_ , you could come with me." He continued, desperately trying to make this as easy as possible for her.

Raven's wild look disappeared and her face went completely blank. She nodded mutely and climbed out of bed, taking Beast Boy's extended hand and walking with him to his bedroom.

She sat on his bed as he slipped into the closet for a few seconds before reappearing clad in light green sweatpants and a white t-shirt. "Ta-daaa!" He joked, spinning for her to take it all in. Raven simply extended her hand and waited for her cold fingers to be interlaced with Beast Boy's warm ones. They walked back to her bedroom holding hands. She was grateful when he reached up to unlock the panel so she wouldn't have to let go of his hand. It had become her tether to reality and she was not letting that go.

They slipped into her large bed and Beast Boy wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head onto his chest. She was asleep in a matter of minutes, and he followed closely behind, the last thought in his mind being the promise of her explanation.

 _Soon._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So sorry this took so long for me to get up for you guys. I really haven't been in a great frame of mind of late, and it took a lot to motivate me to write. But it is here! Please remember I read ALL reviews and am absolutely open to any suggestion you may want to see in the story's future!**

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Beast Boy woke up to the stale feeling of sleep caked onto his face like a stifling mask. He pressed his knuckles against his eyes briefly, attempting to clear the blur from them before blinking disorientedly for a few moments. As the dark purple sheets came into focus, he remembered where he was.  
 _Holy shit. I'm in Raven's room. I'm in Raven's **bed**. And she's not screaming at me to leave or throwing things at my face._ He thought to himself, trying to keep as still as possible so as not to wake up the sleeping form on his chest. Cautiously, he peered down at Raven's face.  
He was astonished to see how beautiful she looked in asleep. Her jaw was no longer locked in her forever-set frown, but instead slack, giving her face a much softer look. Her long eyelashes curled upwards, towards her thin lids. She was so pale Beast Boy was able to see the blue veins under the skin of her eyelids. Her cheekbones carved angularly, arching up towards her temples. Her forehead was completely smooth, not scrunched up with her eyebrows arched or caved in disgust or worry. Her hair fanned out behind her head, swept away from her serene face. She looked relaxed. It was something Beast Boy had never completely seen before, and now, with her wrapped around his body with her head on his chest, he couldn't think of anywhere else he would want to see it.  
Beast Boy sighed, knowing he would have to wake her up. He glanced at his watch, noting that it was now 6:31. He wasn't sure when they had fallen asleep, but he knew they had been asleep for far longer than was usual for either of them; they were comforted by the presence of each other and so both had slept completely soundly through the night. He sighed again quietly, and kissed Raven's forehead while rubbing her back. "Rae. It's morning." He stated blatantly.  
Raven stirred, her long eyelashes fluttering before she frowned and rolled over slightly, burying her face in Beast Boy's chest andgroaning. She shook her head.  
Beast Boy laughed, the sound resonating through his ribcage and making Raven's ears hum. "You're not ready to get up?" Raven shook her head again. "That's fine," he said, stroking her hair. "I can lay like this all day." Raven paused for a moment, then nodded and visibly relaxed. Beast Boy craned his neck and kissed the top of her head.  
Raven felt the kiss as it echoed through her hollow frame. She wasn't sure why she felt so empty after admitting she loved him, but she knew that her life suddenly went from bright and warm and full of color and love to cold and grey. She suddenly felt cold and dreary all the time. She was constantly tired, and her bones ached with the effort of supporting her heavy skin. She lost her appetite completely and nothing she did had any hold on her. She was just disinterested. She went through the days like a ghost, not really there, but not completely gone. She was always feeling tired and slept most of the time. She never dreamed anymore, but had nightmares once every couple days. It was like all the happiness she had bottled up by keeping her feelings from Beast Boy hidden released when she said she loved him, and now she didn't have that little spark to hold on to. The world was suddenly a lot darker.  
She knew she loved Beast Boy. She could feel deep in her achey bones that she was his and only his. She was meant to be with him. She just knew it. But no amount of knowing she would have his love was enough to part the dark clouds that hung in her mind. She knew he was frustrated and worried for her. She could feel his sun mercilessly beating down on her heavy overcast, desperately trying to force a crack in the clouds. It was frustrating for Raven too. She was standing on the ground, screaming to her own heavens, demanding they let her feel something other than the oppressing wet blanket of gloom, but they remained silent as ever.  
She was broken out of her reverie abruptly as Beast Boy anxiously asked if she was okay. She hadn't realized she was crying, but he had. "Rae?" He asked nervously, pulling her chin up so he could look in her eyes. "What's wrong?"  
Raven did nothing but shrug. It seemed she had no words anymore. This thought should have scared her, even as Beast Boy clung to her like she gave him the very breath he breathed, but it didn't. It was only a statement of fact. The capital of the USA was Washington DC. It was sixty-two degrees out, and she had no words.  
She placed her head back onto the supple muscle of Beast Boy's chest and felt his heartbeat thrum through his very core, elevating slightly every time she shook or sniffled.  
She wondered what it must have been like. To be alive.  
Beast Boy cradled Raven lightly, noting how thin and frail she felt in his arms. Her bones seemed hollow, for that was the only explanation to how light she was. How empty she felt. Her skin was cool and grey toned, but he could see the veins in her arms and legs showing prominently below the surface. Her shoulder blades and collar bones seemed ready to burst through her skin. The hallows bellow her eyes were stained purple and blue, though it seemed she did nothing but sleep nowadays.  
He worried deeply for her, rubbing her back as she shook and cried for a reason she could not or would not advocate an explanation for. He stroked her hair, briefly pressing his lips to the crown of her scalp, trying not to take notice of how thin and limp her hair had become.  
Raven was adorned in a loose-fitting, dark grey nightgown. Her hair was swept off her face, and her skin hung loose on her bones. Beast Boy was really concerned now. He had to make sure she was at least alive. She could be miserable all she wanted but she needed to be alive.  
"Raven?" He began slowly, feeling the words drip off his tongue. She nodded. "Have you been eating?"  
She paused before shaking her head no.  
Beast Boy took in a sharp gasp before he could stop himself. He'd left her to starve for nearly a week. His eyes welled up and threatened to spill over, but he willed his unshed tears to remain unshed. He couldn't help but feel this was all his fault. "Are you hungry?" he asked, taking her cold fingers in his hand and unraveling himself from her. He'd be damned if he let her go hungry another moment.  
Raven sat up, no longer crying. She looked at him with her big, clear eyes before nodding slowly.  
Beast Boy grabbed her hands and pulled her off the bed, eager to get her food and get her back in her room before the others came out for the day. Raven trailed behind obediently as Beast Boy led her to a seat at the kitchen table and handed her a mug before putting the kettle on and grabbing a tea bag. He tossed her the small parcel and she caught it effortlessly, ripping the thin paper and placing the bag inside her cup before using her psychic powers to throw the wrapper in the trash.  
It was quiet so early in the morning, the only sound the soft hum of the refrigerator and the quiet snores from Starfire's room.  
Even with the early morning sunlight filtering into the spacious kitchen and warming Raven's icy fingers, she had never felt so small and scared. She felt like a child again, hiding in the dark wells of her covers, avoiding her father's rage. Even though her father was now long gone from her life, she felt as though his looming dark presence was hidden in every shadow of the tower.  
She sighed quietly and Beast Boy's head snapped up from the toast he was presumably burning at the sound. He opened his mouth to say something but the kettle called loudly, interrupting him with a piercing shriek.  
He rushed to stop it and poured the piping hot water into Raven's waiting mug. She smiled her thanks and gripped the sides of her warm cup.  
The slightly blackened toast popped from the toaster and Beast Boy placed all four slices on a plate before grabbing Raven's hand and leading her back into her room. Her safe haven.  
Raven munched on the toast in silence, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Beast Boy watched her every move, wanting to make sure she was okay the entire time. She ate all four slices and then levitated the plate to her bedside table before she began sipping her tea. Beast Boy was more than relieved she was eating again. He was still anxiously awaiting her explanation, but he didn't want to push her too hard. He knew that letting him into her room was a big step for her. She was eating and drinking her tea somewhat like normal now, but it was still apparent she wouldn't be talking any time soon. That was okay, though. As strange as it was, Beast Boy was prepared to go the rest of his life without hearing her speak again so long as it meant she was okay. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy, healthy, and okay.  
 _Healthy_. That word made him remember how thin and limp her hair was. "Uh, Raven?" He began again before he could stop himself. She looked up. "Have you uh, showered lately?" he asked cautiously.  
Raven's face flushed red and her eyes filled with tears in embarrassment and shame. She looked down, casting her eyes to her lap like a chastised child before shaking her head no.  
She had done nothing more than sleep and stare at the curtained windows since she had retreated to her room with no intention of returning to the outside world. She knew it was horrible. She knew it was disgusting. What a gross person Beast Boy must think she is. She was disgusted with herself, and she knew she should have been showering, but it felt like the weight of the world was upon her cold, thin shoulders. She couldn't imagine getting up to feed herself, let alone stand in the shower and scrub her body and hair. The tears fell into her lap.  
Beast Boy quickly crawled forward and grabbed her hands. "Rae it's okay. It's okay. I understand. I know it's hard. It's okay." He promised, holding both of her hands in his and stroking them urgently with his thumbs, mentally cursing himself for treating the matter so bluntly when it was obvious she was so fragile. "We'll tackle that today when you're ready, okay?"  
Raven nodded, grateful that he was so understanding. He kissed her again and the tears stopped.  
She continued drinking her tea.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/\N: Hey guys, sorry for the short chapter, but I'll update again soon. I hope you guys like it!**

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Raven was done with her tea before she knew it and slowly levitated the cup on top of the dirty plate. Beast Boy rose to take them into the kitchen and she stood with him, taking hold of his hand like she was a child bracing to cross the street. Beast Boy slowly turned and smoothed her hair. "Rae the other titans are awake by now." Raven nodded slowly and released his hand, climbing back into bed. "I'll be back in just a few seconds, I promise." He crossed his heart and smiled gently at her before slipping out the door and into the kitchen.

Raven took a moment to really and truly appreciate Beast Boy, then. He knew exactly what she needed and was trying his damn best to make sure she was okay and wasn't being pushed too hard. She knew, too, that this was probably the first time in his life he had ever felt responsible for caring for something else. She really and truly loved him.

Beast Boy made his way quickly to the kitchen, ignoring the curious looks from his teammates and placing the two plates in the sink before turning the tap on. He felt a hand on his shoulder and instinctively knew it would belong to his team leader.

Robin smiled down at Beast Boy and reached for the plates. "I'll take care of these. How is she?" He asked, smiling like he had proven himself right in telling Beast Boy to wait.

Beast Boy sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "A wreck. But getting better, I hope." He muttered, passing the heel of his hand roughly over his left eye. "I hope." He whispered again, to nobody in particular. "I don't think she's ready to see anybody yet. Hell, I'm not entirely sure she's ready to see me." He announced to the rest of the team, noting the concerned frown on Cyborg's face and the disappointment that hung like a dark cloud over Starfire. "She's not even talking anymore. Just nodding and shaking her head no, and even that seems to exhaust her." His eyes welled up and he viciously blinked his tears away, glaring at his bare feet before taking a deep breath and continuing. "Look, guys. I'm doing my best here. I just think it's safest if we don't push her." He concluded, feeling awkward for speaking on the behalf of someone so powerful in his eyes.

Cyborg and Star nodded gravely, but Robin just kept that gentle smile plastered on his face, nodding along with every word and finally agreeing, "That sounds like a plan, BB."

Beast Boy was slightly taken aback. Robin was almost never sunny, and he took the matters of the team's health extremely seriously. Beast Boy was shocked to hear him speak so casually when Raven was falling apart at the seams like this. He made a mental note to ask him about this at some point in time.

That being noted, he made his way down the hall and paused in his room, grabbing a clean uniform and slipping it on, tousseling his hair in the mirror and cursing it for being so damn unmanageable. He roughed the spikes into shape and took a deep breath before returning to the frigid air of Raven's room.

Raven lay curled on the far side of the bed, tucked under covers. Beast Boy approached the bed slowly and placed a large hand on her side. "Rae?"

Raven rolled over and looked at him, acknowledging his presence. He smiled down at her and cupped her cheek in his hand, stroking her sharp cheek bones with his thumb. "Do you think you're ready to tackle that shower?" He asked. His plan so far was that while she was showering, he would wash her sheets and comforter and open the curtains, letting the room become brighter and warmer.

Raven paused, then nodded. Beast Boy's smile widened and he kissed her cheek. "Great!" He enthused, standing to leave.

Raven's hand shot out from under the covers and wrapped it's bony fingers around his wrist. He stopped and looked back at her, brow furrowed in confusion. Raven was averting her gaze and staring at the deep purple bedspread as a burning scarlet crept up her cheeks. "What, do you want me to shower with you?" Beast Boy teased, laughing.

Raven simply flushed deeper and kept her tight grip on his arm.

"Oh. You... you do?" Beast Boy asked, his own face going from green to red as he felt himself succumbing to the blush that seemed to be overtaking them both. He placed his free hand on the back of his neck and rubbed it, laughing nervously and sitting back down on the bed. "You know this is like, my greatest fantasy and worst nightmare colliding, right, dude?" he mused.

Raven released her grip on his arm, mentally cursing herself for being so stupid. How could she be so childish and dumb? She felt sick with herself and scooted away from him, shaking her head embarrassedly and opening and closing her mouth, desperately willing somehting, anything, to come out. When no words came out despite her aggressive urging, she buried her burning face into her hands and groaned softly. She never thought she could be so embarrassed. She was sure her face was hot enough to fry an egg, at this point. The awkwardness settled over them like a heavy blanket.

Suddenly, Beast Boy laughed loudly and grabbed Raven's hands, pulling them away from her burning hot face. "Rae, do you think I would ever turn down an opportunity like that?" He positively shook with laughter, tiny tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Raven smiled a tiny bit too. It felt strange for her face to make that shape. The muscles in her cheeks seemed to have forgotten how to pull up her mouth. She was positive it was lopsided and off, but it felt good to smile, even if it was only a tiny bit.

"That being said," Beast Boy said, coming down from his laughter high. "I don't think it would be particularly good for you right now to be in a shower naked with another person." Raven's face fell. "But," He continued. "I'd be willing to...er... help you out, if you were to take a bath instead. That way it wouldn't have any room to become accidently sexual or anything." He added quickly. His face turned slightly pink again.

Raven nodded slightly, still feeling embarrassed and childish. Beast Boy kissed her forehead gently and cupped the back of her head in his hand, looking deeply into her eyes. "I love you, Raven. I'd do anything for you." He promised solemnly. "And I don't think any less of you for any of this. I still think you're the strongest, most incredible person I've ever met." He grabbed her hands and gently pulled her to her feet. "Now, the sooner you get clean, the better you'll feel. So you go get in the bath, and I'm going to go run your sheets and blankets to the laundry room." Raven nodded and slipped into the bathroom.

Beast Boy stripped the bed of it's sheets, pulling the pillows out of their cases carefully, before laying them back on the bare mattress. He wrapped up the bundle of cloth and was heading to the door when he heard the water for the bath turn on.

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 **A/N: So, what did you think? Next chapter will be up soon, and it definitely won't be a lemon. Sorry to disappoint some of you, but maybe that will be something to come in the future? As always, I read all the reviews and comments, but it takes me a while to get around to replying to them all. I hope you guys have a good next few days while I get the next chapter up!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Yay chapter four! I'm really excited with how this came out. I hope you enjoy!**

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Raven stood before the mirror in the bathroom, aggressively pushing the hair out of her face and trying to calm her breathing. _None of this would have happened if you would just grow up and deal with it yourself,_ the voice at the back of her mind nagged. _I tried letting you deal with this yourself and you haven't bathed in nearly a week. Just admit it. We need help._ A softer, more gentle voice chimed in, desperately pleading her self hating thoughts to be drowned out. The fact of the matter was, she really did need help to feed, bathe, and clothe herself like an adult. Her depression had gotten bad before, but never as bad as this. She took a deep breath and slipped out of her nightgown, tossing it in the hamper on the other side of the room. She took a deep breath and stepped into the warm water.

Beast Boy was staring frustratedly at the washing machine. He scratched his head and raised one eyebrow, trying to figure out what to do. Starfire was the one who always did the laundry. He had no idea where to begin.

As if sensing his distress, Starfire appeared in the doorway, holding Silkie under one arm and a bundle of laundry under the other. "Friend Beast Boy? Are you in need of the help?" She asked, her ever-endearing wording making Beast Boy smile.

"Yeah, thanks," he said, stepping away from the machine and watching as Starfire expertly twisted a few knobs, tossed the sheets in, poured the appropriate amount of laundry detergent, and closed the machine in the course of under a minute. He smiled, shaking his head. "Thanks, Star."

"It is no problem," she smiled and waved as he loped back out the door.

Raven sat in the warm water, feeling it lap over her skin. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them, turning off the tap with her telepathy. A chill ran up her spine and her breathing accelerated slightly as she thought about Beast Boy washing her hair or worse, her body. She was second-guessing herself.

 _Raven!_ The small voice snapped. _Do you honestly feel capable of washing yourself? No. You don't. The thought alone exhausts you. If it weren't for Beast Boy, you'd still be slowly wasting away in your disgusting bed. Just admit you need help for once in your life, dammit._

Raven shut her eyes tight and hugged her knees closer to her body, trying to become smaller than ever. She rested her forehead on her knees and pulled her arms over her head. "I need help," she whispered, barely audible.

"Well it's a good thing you've got me."

Beast Boy's voice made her jump. Her head snapped up and whipped around to face the changeling leaning against the door, arms crossed and that stupid lopsided smile on his face. He had one eyebrow raised, and Raven could see the worry under his cool facade. She paused, then nodded ever so slightly. He crossed the few steps it took to place him before the tub and kneeled on the mat before Raven, producing a cup from one hand. "For your hair," he explained meekly. Raven nodded again.

Beast Boy removed his gloves and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows before dipping the cup under the hot water and filling it to the brim. He lifted it above Raven's head. "Close your eyes," he instructed. Raven obeyed, feeling much better about the situation at hand when it was out of sight.

Raven felt the water roll across her scalp, soaking her short purple hair before dripping down her spine. She shuddered with goosebumps at first, but as Beast Boy repeated the process multiple times, wanting to make sure he got her hair completely saturated before he tried to clean it, she started to actually relax. She kept her eyes closed, though. It just felt better, less childish, if she didn't have to look at his worried face.

Beast Boy fully soaked her hair before pouring a half-dollar sized amount of shampoo into his palm. He rubbed his hands together before he reached up to Raven's scalp and began to lightly massage the soap in. He noted that she kept her eyes closed, and worked silently, assuming she was embarrassed.

Raven kept her eyes dutifully closed, attempting to block out everything but the feather-light touch of Beast Boy's fingers running through her hair.

When he was fully satisfied that her hair was clean and free from the oil and sweat that had accumulated in it, he rinsed out the suds gently before applying conditioner. He repeated the process he had used with the shampoo; running his fingers through her hair to detangle any snarls and massaging the product into her scalp until it began to bubble, and then rinsed out the conditioner, noting how much softer and healthier her hair looked now. It fell across her face and he swept it out of the way, tucking unruly strands behind her ear.

Raven shivered slightly at the touch and then mirrored his actions on the other side of her face, pulling all of her hair off her pale skin and forcing it behind her ear.

He smiled to himself as he reached up to the towel rack and grabbed a washcloth. He soaked it in the water and lathered it with soap before beginning to gently rub her back with it, making small circles with the bubbles. He worked the soap over her skin. Every so often her form rippled with another outbreak of goosebumps, but that was the only indication that she was even present. When Beast Boy lifted one arm to clean it, she allowed it to go limp so he could manipulate it any way he wanted. He began with her hands, spreading each finger to clean delicately under each of her short nails. He worked his way up her arm and then took a deep breath and closed his eyes before running the cloth over her chest hastily. He turned her body slightly and repeated the process with her other arm. At this point, her eyes were squeezed shut tightly and she was frowning slightly.

In her mind, Raven was chastising herself for being so small and embarrassed and embarrassing. This was her own fault for not being able to take care of herself. She felt like a child. _Good!_ Her inner self-hate piped up. _You deserve to feel like a child because you're acting like one. If you act like a child, you don't get to be upset when you're treated like one. This is all your fault anyways. You should have showered when you felt yourself getting gross, not waited around to be babied by people who have better things to do._ "Why am I this way?" she mouthed to herself, too exhausted to produce words. _You're pathetic._ Her inner monologue chimed.

Beast Boy scrubbed the rest of her body down quickly and rinsed her gently with the cup, refilling it several times before her skin was free of the suds. He smiled and kissed the top of her head, which was now mostly dry.

Raven opened her eyes, blinking as they adjusted to the light. She levitated the towel that hung on the back of the door over and spread it in mid-air before she stood behind it, as if Beast Boy hadn't seen everything as he cleaned her. She wrapped the towel around herself and stepped out of the tub, levitating the plug out of the drain before walking to her closet.

Beast Boy followed behind slowly, drying his hands on a smaller towel that he found under the sink.

Raven walked into her closet and closed the door behind her before dropping the towel and collapsing into a shivering mess on the cold floor. She clenched her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms over them and squeezing her eyes shut. _You're an imbecile!_ She shouted at herself in her mind. _Look at you! Demanding Beast Boy, of all people, waste his time cleaning up the pathetic, miserable, mess you have become. He probably thinks you're a failure, and he should. You can't even take care of the most basic things you need to stay alive. Why do you even bother with him? You know he's never going to look at you the same after this. You ruined everything. Again._ Her newest emotion, clothed in a deep and unforgiving black cloak, nagged at her from inside her mind. Self-hate. Her name tasted like acid in the back of Raven's throat. Her voice was loud, shrill, and piercing as she tore Raven apart.

Slowly, Raven pulled her aching core off the floor and put on clean undergarments. She dug through her clothes until she found a newer, cleaner, navy-blue pair of pajamas. They were warm and flannel; the shirt a button-down and the pants drawstring. She pulled them on unhurriedly, rolling up the sleeves when they were too long for her hands. She heaved a great sigh and stepped out the dark closet into her now-bright bedroom.

Beast Boy was at the curtains, yanking them open and dragging them away from the glass. Her sheets and blankets, now clean, were in a nice-smelling pile on her bed. Beast Boy turned and smiled when he heard her step out of the closet. "See? Don't you feel better now that you're clean?" he beamed.

Raven nodded and climbed on top of the pile of sheets and lay across the mound, feeling the warmth beat through her freezing bones.

Beast Boy scratched his head. "Uh, Rae? Traditionally people make the bed before getting into it," he pointed out, a quizzical tone to his voice. Raven simply nodded.

She lay for a few minutes more before climbing down onto the floor and using her powers to make the bed. She sat cross-legged on the carpet as pillows and sheets zipped this way and that in the late morning rays of sunlight. When the last pillow had been placed against the headboard, she crawled up slowly and slid gingerly under the covers, noting how different both her skin and the sheets felt now that neither was decked in a layer of grime and misery.

As much as she hated to admit it, the day had already worn her out. She had been sleeping too much lately for her eyes to be willing to close, but she felt as though she was suspended in a strange limbo. She could see all the dread and misery around her, and she could practically taste the worry everyone else had for her, but it was as if she was in a bubble. Outside looking in.

She felt the springs of her mattress shift as Beast Boy sat beside her and began rubbing her back. Why was he being so damn nice? She felt her eyes sting as they filled to the brim with tears. _You don't deserve this_ , Self-hate reminded Raven obnoxiously. _I know_. She responded.

"Rae?" Beast Boy swept her hair behind her ear anxiously, trying to see her face.

"You don't have to be here." Raven's voice shocked them both. She had not expected to speak. Beast Boy had not expected her to speak.

He paused for a moment, a bit taken aback. "I know," he said, finally. "I want to be."

Raven turned over to face him and opened her mouth to cut him off but he beat her to it.

"Let me finish." Raven closed her mouth, Beast Boy took a deep breath. "I know I don't have to be here. But I am. And I don't want to leave. I know you think I'm just saying that, but I swear to you I'm not. I really and truly want to be here for you. Raven, you're everything to me. I look at you and I could go on for hours about the way you are, the mere act of your existence, until the words got tired of being anagrams for my five favorite letters. I don't know what it is, but I'm with you and I just have a sense of belonging. I hold you and it's like I'm coming home after a long trip away. Your arms are the threshold to the place I want to stay. I just... I love you so much. I never understood how couples could miss each other after just a day apart before I met you. But now, oh god, it's like you take half of me with you whenever you leave. And it's like... I'm okay with that, you know? I'd do anything for you. I'd sit through a million bad days with you. It doesn't matter to me. Where you are is where I want to be." Beast Boy had tears trickling down his cheeks.

Raven simply threw herself into his arms and cried into his chest. "I love you." She declared through the tears.

"I know." Beast Boy said. "I love you too."

* * *

 **A/N So, what did you guys think of this chapter? I really love hearing your opinions and reviews. I'll try to have chapter 5 up soon! As always, I hope you guys have a great next few days while I work on a new update for you (-:**


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